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Still Very Much Here

I have thoughts to blog about that rumble about in my head but I never seem to get over here to do so.

I’m going to make more of an effort to post.  I definitely have things I should get out and here is just as good of a place as any.

I am working on my health and how I feel in my body.  No dieting.  No body hating.  But definitely some attempts at lifestyle changes (not the bullshit kind, the actual real, good for you kind).  Yoga, more whole foods, fermenting some foods, etc…  Not only to make my body feel and act better but to hopefully clear up my adult acne.

I accept my body for where it is.  I am, though, not comfortable in it.  There are some bulges that get in my way or bother me when sleeping.  I feel stiff.  I do not hate my body for these issues or wish to enter into the insanity of dieting again.  But I do want to make changes in my life that help me feel better day to day and that even make doing yoga easier for me.

So there’s a mini update on where my mind is at.  Mini being the key word.

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Here.

I’ve been waiting for my fricken Oprah “Aha” moment and it has yet to come.

I don’t think there really is one.  I think I just need to push through the muck and do what I need to do.  I need to try some “diet” changes to see if they help my horrendous adult acne (which has gotten worse the last 6 months).  And I need to get over the fact that it means I have to spend some time planning and thinking about what goes into my mouth.

There’s no Aha moment that will make this easy for me.  I’m going to struggle and I’m going to resist changes.  But I know I need to try this out – not only is my “vanity” hurtin’ but so is my damn face.  I’m sick of it.

I do have to admit that it feels good to finally just admit that there isn’t some huge moment/hurtle I have to experience before just doing it.  That releases a bit of weight off my shoulders.

I’m Puffy

I think I’ve gained a bit of weight plus my period is starting today.  And I am having a life change start tomorrow that I’m not too thrilled about (but doing it for the greater good that will put the family in a much happier spot – just the initial doing it is getting me down).

I’m in a shitty place.

And that’s my problem. I am stuck in between diet-high-frenzy and just getting to the fucking point of my own personal HAES.

I’d like to be over it now, please.

I just Googled that.  I’m about to go to bed and wanted to check out some yoga blogs on my phone before falling asleep.

My blog was on the second page of Google with those search terms.

Heh.

One Year Tomorrow

Not that I have been hugely active the last few months – but tomorrow it’s been one year since I started this blog.

Have I lost any weight?  Nope!  Have I yo-yoed up and down, like I used to? Nope!

Have I gained a bit of sanity and appreciation for my body this last year? Yup!

Lurker Mode

Been thinking about posting.  But not posting.

I am feeding* FA and BA blogs almost daily.  Learning to accept the ever changing feelings about my body – slowlllllly realizing that getting over myself and learning HAES may actually take as long as obsessing over my weight did.

But I really hope a decade is not needed.

*that’s supposed to be “reading”. Funny typo.