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Archive for the ‘Hunger’ Category

Geneen Roth suggests food journaling as part of the Intuitive Eating process. That freaks me out. But The Rotund’s recent “flogging” has put that journaling thought once again in my head.

I have decided that although writing down the food I eat makes me feel queasy and a bit “diety in the head” that taking a photo of it and letting it go out into the ether does not. That’s a bit of a run-on but I think my point is made. I want to have some sort of sense of what I am eating but without the diet mentality or judgment.

So here’s my new flog.

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Stupid Ad

JetBlue has a TV for every seat (loved that!). I watched a lot of the Food Network which was a first for me. I think I’ll check out some of those shows more regularly. Z enjoyed watching all of the meal prep as well.

Special K’s protein water ad was aired several times. I can’t find it online for the life of me so I’ll briefly describe. A woman (I think at work) comes into the staff room and is so hungry that she almosts takes a piece of cake out of the trash to eat it. But her will power wins and she goes off to drink some protein water (um, gag).

Ehhh, I seriously doubt a person who is willing to eat cake trash is going to be satisfied by some sickly sweet protein water. And I am baffled as to why that would be the choice Special K came up with – dessert garbage or protein water. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Why not just simply reject the candy machine or non-trash cake?

I know some disordered eaters do take food out of the trash – I remember stories shared in OA meetings. But protein water is not the answer to that issue in the slightest.

That ad just really grated my nerves so I wanted to share. And as I searched YouTube I came across another incredible annoying Special K ad so I’ll share that instead.

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Someone found my blog by doing a search for “spiritual eating”. I was curious to see how I came up via that way on Google so I did the same search, which also led me to this article.

I am confused how this is considered “spiritual eating”. I see how one or two of the things she did made her a more conscious eater during that month (like eating alone – but we all know how I react to that idea right now). But the rest just sounded like a diet gimmick to eat less food (and how are you supposed to eat until full once you eat what’s in the bowl and are still hungry – are you allowed to fill it up again?). Never mind how she ate her very first day off the diet.

Being the Disordered Eater that I am, as I read the article I quickly flirted with the idea of how I could “control” my eating by only allowing a certain portion that is bowl-sized per meal. I could even use a beautiful, ceramic bowl. It all looked quite lovely in my head for about one minute.

By the time I was done reading the article, I was already feeling the anxiety over considering another diet and getting a knot in my stomach because of how limiting this “spiritual way of eating” (what ever) was. I went through this whole array of emotions, highs, and lows within 4 minutes of reading this article.

Crazy making.

On a rational note, I am pretty amazed how easy it is to sucker me in to the fantasy of a new diet. Something in me is craving that high, that promise, that something extra. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to satiate that inner need or if it will always be something I have to keep an eye on.

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Pardon me while I let my insanity blog for a bit.

I really wish there was no such thing as hunger. I wish I could figure out what my body wants without suddenly finding myself hungry and without the lows/highs that come with hunger and eating certain foods. I realize that doesn’t make much sense and doesn’t sound rational. Hence, the insanity.

I wish I could just figure out this IE thing without that crap interfering.

It also doesn’t help that I have had a head cold all week long and it’s still making me exhausted/feel like crap.

Bleh.

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I’d like to have some goals this month. I am a bit nervous doing this given my Should Addiction but I am aiming on simply keeping these goals, not musts.

  • Thanks to Spiritwolf (Bliss Chick), I hinted to my DH that I wanted this book and guess what he surprised me with? Hurrah!
  • Also read Eating in the Light of the Moon, which I already own. I read about half back in my OA days and remember enjoying it. No idea why I didn’t finish it (although my MIL unexpectedly passed away when I was in OA and it was downhill from there so that may have been it).
  • Yoga practice. Now, in my 30s, my out of shape self is feeling so unbelievably stiff and inflexible. I have always been pretty flexible (lower body mainly, not so much in upper body poses), even during workout/yoga droughts, but not any more. I have just started noticing an inflexibility that I haven’t experienced before. My body is finally rebelling against its lack of use (well, minus running around after a cute 2 year old). I’d like to start using my yoga DVDs during Z’s nap time a few times a week to start. And I am hoping that by following my body’s desire to be stretched and balanced that I can avoid creating another Should in my life.
  • The walking hasn’t taken off but that’s OK. Part of it was due to the SoCal fires and poor air quality. I could feel the guilt set in so that’s my primary focus right now (giving myself permission to walk when I want to, minus any Should feeling).
  • Visit my favorite blogs more often. I have slacked a bit here, mainly due to my parents staying with us during the fires, etc… I have missed checking in daily and can see how this really helped my mindset. A lot.

Alright. There it is all laid out.

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History.

So yesterday I was eating at our favorite local diner with Z and my parents. My stepdad says to Z, near the end of the meal, “Tell your mother to finish her lunch”. I responded “I am finished” and he looked at me shocked. He then told me I “barely touched it” (which was so not true, the portion was HUGE). I quipped about portion size and that I didn’t have to eat the entire thing and he joked “How unAmerican of you”.

So it ended on a humorous note but the whole thing made me think – did I hear comments like that growing up? I really do not remember experiencing membership in the Clean Your Plate Club but that can very well mean it blended in to the every day. I really don’t know.

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On a totally random note, someone found my blog by searching “The lungs of my body pic”. What the hell??! LOL.

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Hunger

So since my breakfast post, I have come to the realization that I am not hungry first thing in the morning. News to me! But every morning since that day I have waited for hunger to arrive – usually 90 minutes or so after waking. I may have some hot tea before that but, otherwise, I wait for my hunger to show before feeding my body. Since I am a SAHM during the week, I have the luxury to wait to eat since we are still home at that time.

Throughout the day, I have been doing pretty decent waiting for hunger before eating. And better at stopping when full/satisfied. I often like something sweet after lunch and dinner. Even if it is something small. However, I can’t say I am physically hungry for it after already being satisfied by my meal. But – the craving is there. So what to do? I believe I remember in Overcome Overeating that they advised to have something sweet post-meal to satisfy that mouth hunger. Does that ring a bell with anyone else?

Right now, I am doing that. It doesn’t quite sit well with me, though. I feel the guilt trying to squeeze into my head. I am so sick of feeling guilty over food and eating. I am doing my best to strike back.

And I look forward to this path becoming easier.

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