Archive for the ‘Goals’ Category

Axing The Sugar

For various reasons (acne, health, etc) I am taking the sugar out of my diet.  I felt the need to start a new blog with this endeavor for some reasons.  This one isn’t going anywhere and maybe they’ll eventually be combined.  Dunno.

(and obviously I did not finish the 30 Day Shred – it was making me exhausted in the afternoons when it’s my prime time to be a Mommy with Z…maybe cutting out the sugar will give me that extra energy that I need)


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I have had such an urge to do yoga lately and am adding to my yoga DVD collection.  I’ve also been do a bit of cardio and strength training.  But I really just feel like doing yoga every day (with some pilates thrown in).

My long term, very future goal is do have a daily yoga practice.  Even further away is to have a serious one – long practices every day (not exactly a feat that I see happening with little ones under foot).

I have to admit being annoyed my my large breasts and mother belly getting in the way of some poses.  I am pretty flexible for some asanas (not all, especially upper body – lots of room for growth there) and there are times I could go further if the fat wasn’t in the way.  So, yes, a part of me hopes those areas shrink for the benefit of my practice.  Am I going to diet to do that?  Nope.  Am I beating myself up about it and drowning in negative body thoughts?  Nah.

Would I have done these things like 3 years ago?  Probably.  Definitely 4 years ago.  (Having Z in my life has made me more sane about all of this, even pre-blog/actively seeking body sanity).

I have also tweaked my “diet” (the food I eat) a bit to lessen the wheat and dairy a good deal and to increase the good fats.  I am doing this to hopefully clear up mu skin.  I’m giving it a few months before deciding if it works or not.  But I have to say, I am feeling better after these meals so far.  Nothing is off limits (hence me saying I am going “wheat and dairy light”) and I have not gone into crazy deprivation mode since I don’t feel like I am depriving myself at all.  This is very big for me.  Usually even the smallest “diet” change (no matter the reason) meant I was going to end up in The Head Crazies.

Small, baby steps…

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New Year’s Resolutions

Will any of you make New Year’s resolutions? I’m tempted to make one. Yes, just one. Given that I am the rebellious sort and seem to run the other way as soon as I make a goal, I’m not sure if it is wise.

But I was thinking of making a workout goal for 2008. Simply, 250 workouts by the end of the year. I think that is totally doable but worry if it’s me setting myself up to avoid once again. I wrote this post almost 3 months ago and am pretty much in the same spot as then. Let’s just say that makes me beyond frustrated.

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My Virtual ModelI went to a new doctor yesterday who I really liked. She actually sat down with me, asked me tons of questions, and made sure I was all set before heading to the next client. I haven’t received that kind of service from a medical doctor in years.

The one sucky thing – my BMI is 34 (I am about 50-60 lbs “over weight” by my estimate) and she talked a lot to me about heart health. She wasn’t extreme in her thoughts in the slightest – actually quite caring and gentle in her advice (exercise was her advice of choice for this visit).

And now I feel….mixed. I seriously do not want to diet. I just do not. I can’t diet. I suck at it – not only does it make me crazy but I am never successful.

I’d like to start getting up early to work out but it has been a bust so far. A head cold last week and now this week Z is stuffed up and not sleeping well. So I am choosing sleep over working out. But I still really want to get in the habit of doing this in the morning (before she wakes up) – it’ll be out of my life, it starts my day right, and it makes sure I get it done.

This post is a bit of a mishmash. I guess all I am trying to say is that I am struggling. I don’t feel like I am on the verge of dieting. I just feel down about the whole IE thing and where I am with it. I was doing pretty well with body acceptance in the early autumn but not so much now. I mean, I don’t berate myself or anything. But I am not happy with how I look or how I feel. And whenever I start thinking of how to change it, I get crazy in the head and rebellious. It feels like I am spinning in a circle of sameness with little change.

ETA: Since writing this today, I have read several of my favorite blogs and was lucky enough to stumble across this and this. Two bloggers who I really respect and admire – and, admittedly, put on a bit of a pedestal. And while I wish it was super easy for them 100% of the time, it’s a bit reaffirming that what I am going through is normal no matter where you are with body acceptance and IE.

So, feeling a bit better at the moment.

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Things are going well for my mini-goals so far. This morning I did Lotte Berk Hip Hugger Abs and also walked for 45 minutes. The park that I walk at has a large loop and a smaller one. Two large loops and one small loop equal a 5K. I have been doing one large and one small. My first goal is to add another small loop and then, finally, do the whole 5K. And my far off in the future goal is to start a running program like the Couch to 5K one. Maybe sometime after the holidays.

I have always dreamed about becoming a runner. I did a few weeks of the Couch to 5K program a few years ago. I don’t remember why I didn’t stick to it. I’d like to become one of those zen runners. Whenever I do try running, it’s not zen-like at all. The closest I ever enjoyed running was when I tried the above program – probably because I was taking it slow and not killing myself.

I have also been having fleeting thoughts about really concentrating on this eventual running goal and letting my food follow. Is it possible to teach this old dog new eating tricks via listening to her body based on fitness goals? That’s what I am hoping. I am also hoping that it’ll help me fall in to IE (intuitive eating) a bit easier, by making food decisions based on fitness goals that are important to me.

So, my next babystep fitness goal is to add that second small loop at the beginning of September.

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I am not calorie counting or following a published plan made up by someone else. Structured plans scare me, even when I try and tell myself I can tweak them to suite me. I wish it wasn’t the case because life would be so much easier. But it is.

However, trying to lose weight while also trying to normalize my relationship with food does not work without goals. Flying by the seat of my pants isn’t working. Many IE books recommend letting all foods be “legal” foods and I feel I have done that. But I’m not going to buy boxes of food that I love ala Geneen Roth. #1 My finances just do not allow it and #2 I feel pretty OK with allowing all foods in to my life and don’t feel the need to eat chocolate chip cookies until I puke to get there.

I do feel a bit lost. Starting this blog has helped me to start focusing my thoughts around this whole thing (even with a 2 year old dancing/singing to her Jack’s Big Music Show CD next to me). And today I realized that I need to write some goals down. I think goals in my head often but usually they bop around and only sometimes occur to me at crucial points. So maybe having them here will help me keep them in check.

I will add to these as time goes on and I feel stronger with the changes I am making. Being a planner, I would love to write down every single detail of my “plan” until Yule and pretend I am going to review it come New Year’s. But I have lived with myself long enough to know I cannot manage to stay on a structured, anal plan like that for so long. And I’m not so good at the unstructured, anal-free plans at this time. Maybe someday…

Goals As of Right Now


  • Workout 4 times per week minimum.

  • Stop eating when full.

  • Wait to eat treats to see if I truly want them.

  • Eat 3 veggies/fruits.

Yes, 3 veggies/fruits is a pathetic number But it’s more than I get on many days so I am starting small. In the future I’d like to add a variety of colors and a larger number. I am just starting small.

I walked an hour on Monday and today I did an intermediate pilates DVD. I have had grapes and an orange pepper so far. And I staved off a craving for ice cream. But I am still thinking about it so a small bowl may be in my future. That’s one IE tool I am trying to incorporate – respecting cravings and allowing myself true cravings to avoid future overeating.

Mozying along.


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