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Archive for the ‘Diet Plans’ Category

I have been on a crazy # of diets. None of them impressively successful but the two I had the greatest weight loss with were Weight Watchers (points) and Body for Life. And the funny thing about those two is that they were the ones where I was most obsessive over eating/food choices/how to somehow get the food choices I wanted without it being a “cheat”. What’s also pretty funny is that I find those two plans relatively healthy (for a diet). But, yet, they helped make me the most crazy.

What I find to be complete bullshit is what appears to be Weight Watchers new ad campaign. Are they on crack? I can’t find any of their print ads online (but their site has info on how their diet isn’t a diet. What the fuck ever) but this did come right up in my Google search. How I relate to their WW experiences (minus the meetings – I did it online)!

For some reason I am feeling really pissed off about this ad campaign.

And I also think it’s a tad amusing that I am going to have a lovely In n Out burger (well, grilled cheese) tonight for dinner – I used to actually figure out the points to that crazy thing back in the day. And obsess over eating it and what to eat so that my day would be within points (which was a guess anyway). Crazy fricken’ making.

Tonight I just get to eat it, enjoy it, and then move on. Now that’s not a diet.

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My Virtual ModelI went to a new doctor yesterday who I really liked. She actually sat down with me, asked me tons of questions, and made sure I was all set before heading to the next client. I haven’t received that kind of service from a medical doctor in years.

The one sucky thing – my BMI is 34 (I am about 50-60 lbs “over weight” by my estimate) and she talked a lot to me about heart health. She wasn’t extreme in her thoughts in the slightest – actually quite caring and gentle in her advice (exercise was her advice of choice for this visit).

And now I feel….mixed. I seriously do not want to diet. I just do not. I can’t diet. I suck at it – not only does it make me crazy but I am never successful.

I’d like to start getting up early to work out but it has been a bust so far. A head cold last week and now this week Z is stuffed up and not sleeping well. So I am choosing sleep over working out. But I still really want to get in the habit of doing this in the morning (before she wakes up) – it’ll be out of my life, it starts my day right, and it makes sure I get it done.

This post is a bit of a mishmash. I guess all I am trying to say is that I am struggling. I don’t feel like I am on the verge of dieting. I just feel down about the whole IE thing and where I am with it. I was doing pretty well with body acceptance in the early autumn but not so much now. I mean, I don’t berate myself or anything. But I am not happy with how I look or how I feel. And whenever I start thinking of how to change it, I get crazy in the head and rebellious. It feels like I am spinning in a circle of sameness with little change.

ETA: Since writing this today, I have read several of my favorite blogs and was lucky enough to stumble across this and this. Two bloggers who I really respect and admire – and, admittedly, put on a bit of a pedestal. And while I wish it was super easy for them 100% of the time, it’s a bit reaffirming that what I am going through is normal no matter where you are with body acceptance and IE.

So, feeling a bit better at the moment.

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Anyone know anything about The Beck Diet Solution? It sounds intriguing but is it just another book of Shoulds?

I like that it is not a diet but a bunch of tools to use to change your thinking of the whole thing – but is it useful for someone who is working on IE? I do not want a diet book.

Off to read more Amazon reviews and maybe I’ll find my answers within them. Just thought I’d also look for feedback here.

ETA:  Forget it.  LOL  Just read that if you have issues with food then this is not the  book for you (per the author).  So, yeah, NOT for me!

I guess I mainly found the workbook attractive.   Maybe I just need an eating disorder one.  Hrmm…

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Yesterday, while food shopping, I was putting a lot of protein-rich foods and fruits in to my cart. My body was telling me that is what it craved, so I followed those cues. I have been eating a lot of crappy carb food lately and it honestly makes me feel like shit.

But, even though I truly felt like I was following my body’s cues, the whole thing felt a bit “diety” to me. Wanting to pretty much only eat whole foods is the Diet Me. The Regular Me wants to eat crap like pizza, cookies, sourdough bread, etc… Right?

I told myself I was not buying this food because of some prescribed diet but because I wanted it. It has been sitting in my house for more than 24 hours and I have yet to touch it. I am still eating yucky carb foods that make me feel weak and fat. Why is that? I’d understand if I was purposefully buying that food to lose weight or follow some sort of plan. I wasn’t. So why the backlash?

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I am not calorie counting or following a published plan made up by someone else. Structured plans scare me, even when I try and tell myself I can tweak them to suite me. I wish it wasn’t the case because life would be so much easier. But it is.

However, trying to lose weight while also trying to normalize my relationship with food does not work without goals. Flying by the seat of my pants isn’t working. Many IE books recommend letting all foods be “legal” foods and I feel I have done that. But I’m not going to buy boxes of food that I love ala Geneen Roth. #1 My finances just do not allow it and #2 I feel pretty OK with allowing all foods in to my life and don’t feel the need to eat chocolate chip cookies until I puke to get there.

I do feel a bit lost. Starting this blog has helped me to start focusing my thoughts around this whole thing (even with a 2 year old dancing/singing to her Jack’s Big Music Show CD next to me). And today I realized that I need to write some goals down. I think goals in my head often but usually they bop around and only sometimes occur to me at crucial points. So maybe having them here will help me keep them in check.

I will add to these as time goes on and I feel stronger with the changes I am making. Being a planner, I would love to write down every single detail of my “plan” until Yule and pretend I am going to review it come New Year’s. But I have lived with myself long enough to know I cannot manage to stay on a structured, anal plan like that for so long. And I’m not so good at the unstructured, anal-free plans at this time. Maybe someday…

Goals As of Right Now

 

  • Workout 4 times per week minimum.

  • Stop eating when full.

  • Wait to eat treats to see if I truly want them.

  • Eat 3 veggies/fruits.

Yes, 3 veggies/fruits is a pathetic number But it’s more than I get on many days so I am starting small. In the future I’d like to add a variety of colors and a larger number. I am just starting small.

I walked an hour on Monday and today I did an intermediate pilates DVD. I have had grapes and an orange pepper so far. And I staved off a craving for ice cream. But I am still thinking about it so a small bowl may be in my future. That’s one IE tool I am trying to incorporate – respecting cravings and allowing myself true cravings to avoid future overeating.

Mozying along.

 

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I keep thinking about blogging about my struggles with weight, self-esteem, what not. I have been thinking about it for months. I want to have a place to put my thoughts and an old fashioned journal wasn’t working out for me any more. I filled more than 20 from age 12 – 22 years of age but ever since then (I’m 32) I have never been consistent. Minus my pregnancy journal but those were not lengthy entries.

I am a mother of an almost 2 year old girl who I will call Z. She is the light of my life. Smart, super verbal, funny, loves to laugh, you name it. She’s one of those kids that make people want to have kids. We really lucked out, DH and I.

I live in the Los Angeles area but I’m an implant from New England. DH and I moved here more than a decade ago. LA has its plus and minuses but overall we really like living here. The different ethnicities, languages, restaurants, parks, easy access to hiking, etc… The 405 and 101 want to drive me crazy with traffic but at least I don’t have to deal with them much. I am a stay at home mom (SAHM) M-F and work a bit on Saturdays. Although I don’t know how personal I will let this blog get – minus the inner crap I have to get out about my food choices, my obsessive nature, blah blah blah.

So to get to the point, I am probably 50ish pounds overweight. I have basically dieted myself up to here. Some of it is pregnancy weight (still!!) but I was once this heavy pre-Z. I have been on so many diets, I think it would be hard-pressed to name them all. But I’ll try. 😉

  • South Beach
  • Atkins
  • Somercize
  • Marilu Henner’s diet
  • Bob Green’s Get With The Program
  • Weight Watchers 123 Success (online)
  • Calorie Counting with various tools
  • Fit for Life
  • Eat to Live
  • Body for Life
  • Ediets

And more. I can’t even think of them all. I never lost a ton of weight, either. Diet Plan Addict here, that’s all. Body for Life was the one I had the most success with – but like all diet plans, I fail them. They fail me. Not because they are bad, necessarily. But because I am not a Diet Plan Person. Even simple calorie counting on sites like SparkPeople and Fitday turns me in to an obsessive mess. I love the high a new diet plan offers. I love the promise of a new life, a better, sexier future. But once the initial high wears off I start thinking of “off plan” foods – even foods I didn’t give a rat’s ass about pre-diet plan. If the plan allows free days or ways to work your points in to a “treat” food, I would obsess about that.

Diet Plans make me crazy. They are not for me.

I actually realized this via OA, which I went to after a horrible stint with Kay Sheppard’s plan. In OA, I recognized my sick relationship with food. I maintained a year of abstinence with OA – which was simply to not overeat. Many people abstain from specific foods (see Kay link), even in OA. Doing that is such a trigger for me.

I ended up leaving OA soon after becoming pregnant. It wasn’t quite for me, although I feel I got a lot out of it and still will use some tools once in a while.

Where I find myself is in a state of needing to lose weight – for health and self-esteem reasons. But knowing a plan will only backfire on me (I have dabbled in South Beach plus calorie counting this last year – both went swimmingly until my obsessive nature stepped in). I have been reading books such as Intuitve Eating, Fat is a Feminist Issue (midway through), and have thumbed through some Geneen Roth. I want to be a “normal” eater but I also want to be a healthy eater. I am at a loss how to do both – because I always end up picking crap (mostly) when I just go for it. And maybe that’s a phase but I really don’t have the patience to allow myself that phase. I want to live in a magical world where I eat healthy, enjoy treats without inner verbal abuse, and free up some space in my daily thoughts for other interests instead of ones about food/diets/weight loss/even intuitive eating.

Not just for me but also to raise my daughter in an environment of healthy, normal eating.

So here it is. My first blog post. Finally did it. So let’s see where this takes me.

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