Archive for the ‘Body Image’ Category

I am 5′ 3 1/2″ tall.  I wear a Red #2 in Right Fit Jeans from Lane Bryant.

Based on my BMI I am a “candidate” for lap band surgery.

I am shocked.  Not shocked in the “OMG, I’m so fat” but in the “OMG, a doctor would butcher my insides just because I’m this size” kind of shocked.

I am a curvy, over weight gal.  But a walking billboard for weight loss surgery?  That just seems a bit nuts to me.


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I have had such an urge to do yoga lately and am adding to my yoga DVD collection.  I’ve also been do a bit of cardio and strength training.  But I really just feel like doing yoga every day (with some pilates thrown in).

My long term, very future goal is do have a daily yoga practice.  Even further away is to have a serious one – long practices every day (not exactly a feat that I see happening with little ones under foot).

I have to admit being annoyed my my large breasts and mother belly getting in the way of some poses.  I am pretty flexible for some asanas (not all, especially upper body – lots of room for growth there) and there are times I could go further if the fat wasn’t in the way.  So, yes, a part of me hopes those areas shrink for the benefit of my practice.  Am I going to diet to do that?  Nope.  Am I beating myself up about it and drowning in negative body thoughts?  Nah.

Would I have done these things like 3 years ago?  Probably.  Definitely 4 years ago.  (Having Z in my life has made me more sane about all of this, even pre-blog/actively seeking body sanity).

I have also tweaked my “diet” (the food I eat) a bit to lessen the wheat and dairy a good deal and to increase the good fats.  I am doing this to hopefully clear up mu skin.  I’m giving it a few months before deciding if it works or not.  But I have to say, I am feeling better after these meals so far.  Nothing is off limits (hence me saying I am going “wheat and dairy light”) and I have not gone into crazy deprivation mode since I don’t feel like I am depriving myself at all.  This is very big for me.  Usually even the smallest “diet” change (no matter the reason) meant I was going to end up in The Head Crazies.

Small, baby steps…

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I’ve been waiting for my fricken Oprah “Aha” moment and it has yet to come.

I don’t think there really is one.  I think I just need to push through the muck and do what I need to do.  I need to try some “diet” changes to see if they help my horrendous adult acne (which has gotten worse the last 6 months).  And I need to get over the fact that it means I have to spend some time planning and thinking about what goes into my mouth.

There’s no Aha moment that will make this easy for me.  I’m going to struggle and I’m going to resist changes.  But I know I need to try this out – not only is my “vanity” hurtin’ but so is my damn face.  I’m sick of it.

I do have to admit that it feels good to finally just admit that there isn’t some huge moment/hurtle I have to experience before just doing it.  That releases a bit of weight off my shoulders.

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I think I’ve gained a bit of weight plus my period is starting today.  And I am having a life change start tomorrow that I’m not too thrilled about (but doing it for the greater good that will put the family in a much happier spot – just the initial doing it is getting me down).

I’m in a shitty place.

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Not that I have been hugely active the last few months – but tomorrow it’s been one year since I started this blog.

Have I lost any weight?  Nope!  Have I yo-yoed up and down, like I used to? Nope!

Have I gained a bit of sanity and appreciation for my body this last year? Yup!

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Overall, non-thoughts about my body.

Occasional negative ones…

Almost always, redirecting myself from negative thoughts…

But still not treating my body right with nourishing food and exercise…

A standstill…

Yup. Still….

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I’ve gone into lurk mode.  Mainly from my phone, too.  Reading up on the fatosphere a couple times a week

My skin has been breaking out like mad for several months so I am working on prepping my mind to try some things nutritionally to see if it helps.  We’ll see…

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