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Archive for November, 2007

Anyone know anything about The Beck Diet Solution? It sounds intriguing but is it just another book of Shoulds?

I like that it is not a diet but a bunch of tools to use to change your thinking of the whole thing – but is it useful for someone who is working on IE? I do not want a diet book.

Off to read more Amazon reviews and maybe I’ll find my answers within them. Just thought I’d also look for feedback here.

ETA:  Forget it.  LOL  Just read that if you have issues with food then this is not the  book for you (per the author).  So, yeah, NOT for me!

I guess I mainly found the workbook attractive.   Maybe I just need an eating disorder one.  Hrmm…

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Plugging Along

Just a quick post to say I am still here and plugging along. Minor victories sprinkled over the last few days. Started reading The Yoga of Eating the other night (and still have to finished the last few chapters of WWSHTB). I find I do better mentally with my nose in an IE/body acceptance/inspirational book a few times a week.

Dragged Z and I out the door first thing yesterday morning for a walk in our park. That truly makes a difference. And it was just a small amount of effort to get out there.

I feel a lot better when I make just a small amount of effort.

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Ever since I wrote my November Goals post I have had many moments of over eating (and knowingly over eating, always aware of what I am doing). I have not touched any of the books I wanted to read and have not worked out.

Granted, I was sick all last week. My Internal Caretaker reminds me of this and that I was not in shape to do much of anything. But it doesn’t change the fact that I have knowingly eaten beyond my means several times as a way to somehow take care of myself. What I am taking care of, well, who the frack knows. But I am comforting myself with food for some reason.

I am thinking it is because I made that post. I told myself I would not be anal over it and give myself leeway – but that appears to be bullshit. And it really makes me angry.

Am I not allowed to have goals? Am I not supposed to have wants and desires regarding the things I do to get me out of this Crazy Ass State of Food Obsession that I live in? Should I just allow the pieces to fall where they may without any sort of internal guidance?

I just do not trust that.

And that’s probably the fuckin’ problem.

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Yesterday, while food shopping, I was putting a lot of protein-rich foods and fruits in to my cart. My body was telling me that is what it craved, so I followed those cues. I have been eating a lot of crappy carb food lately and it honestly makes me feel like shit.

But, even though I truly felt like I was following my body’s cues, the whole thing felt a bit “diety” to me. Wanting to pretty much only eat whole foods is the Diet Me. The Regular Me wants to eat crap like pizza, cookies, sourdough bread, etc… Right?

I told myself I was not buying this food because of some prescribed diet but because I wanted it. It has been sitting in my house for more than 24 hours and I have yet to touch it. I am still eating yucky carb foods that make me feel weak and fat. Why is that? I’d understand if I was purposefully buying that food to lose weight or follow some sort of plan. I wasn’t. So why the backlash?

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Pardon me while I let my insanity blog for a bit.

I really wish there was no such thing as hunger. I wish I could figure out what my body wants without suddenly finding myself hungry and without the lows/highs that come with hunger and eating certain foods. I realize that doesn’t make much sense and doesn’t sound rational. Hence, the insanity.

I wish I could just figure out this IE thing without that crap interfering.

It also doesn’t help that I have had a head cold all week long and it’s still making me exhausted/feel like crap.

Bleh.

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I’d like to have some goals this month. I am a bit nervous doing this given my Should Addiction but I am aiming on simply keeping these goals, not musts.

  • Thanks to Spiritwolf (Bliss Chick), I hinted to my DH that I wanted this book and guess what he surprised me with? Hurrah!
  • Also read Eating in the Light of the Moon, which I already own. I read about half back in my OA days and remember enjoying it. No idea why I didn’t finish it (although my MIL unexpectedly passed away when I was in OA and it was downhill from there so that may have been it).
  • Yoga practice. Now, in my 30s, my out of shape self is feeling so unbelievably stiff and inflexible. I have always been pretty flexible (lower body mainly, not so much in upper body poses), even during workout/yoga droughts, but not any more. I have just started noticing an inflexibility that I haven’t experienced before. My body is finally rebelling against its lack of use (well, minus running around after a cute 2 year old). I’d like to start using my yoga DVDs during Z’s nap time a few times a week to start. And I am hoping that by following my body’s desire to be stretched and balanced that I can avoid creating another Should in my life.
  • The walking hasn’t taken off but that’s OK. Part of it was due to the SoCal fires and poor air quality. I could feel the guilt set in so that’s my primary focus right now (giving myself permission to walk when I want to, minus any Should feeling).
  • Visit my favorite blogs more often. I have slacked a bit here, mainly due to my parents staying with us during the fires, etc… I have missed checking in daily and can see how this really helped my mindset. A lot.

Alright. There it is all laid out.

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10 – 20 – 30

I have been tagged by Spiritwolf!

10 Years Ago: My husband (then fiance) and I were just moving in to our first apartment together in Los Angeles (we lived with friends when we first moved out here). I had also just become interested in exercise, workout videos specifically, and that’s what began my path down Diet Obsession Highway.

20 Years Ago: I was an awkward 12 year old – just starting to get pimples and I had gained some weight (as soon as I hit my teens it melted right off with my then high metabolism). This was around the first time I ever dieted (but dieting didn’t become an obsession until in my 20s – I didn’t diet as a teen and I only remember one brief time in college).

30 Years Ago: I was Z’s age and living with my single mother (who later remarried when I was 3).

OK, I tag Good with Cheese.  That was fun!

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