I had a random memory last night. When I was 11, I was a junior bridesmaid in my oldest cousin’s wedding. It was my first wedding since my mother married my stepfather when I was 3. I was beyond thrilled to be measured for my bridesmaid dress and was really in to what size I was. I believe I was a dress size 11/12 back then and proudly told people who would bother to talk to me about it.
My other cousin, the sister of the groom, was also a bridesmaid. She was probably 20 at the time and I had grown up thinking she was the shit (well, maybe viewed in more child-appropriate terms, heh). She lived 10 hours from us, so I only saw her about once a year. Every visit to her home, I would come back with a cool new cousin thing to do. Like when she was 16 and had stickers/photos all over her bedroom mirror. Guess what I did when I got back from vacation?
Moving on…
At the rehearsal for the wedding, I was standing around with the groomsmen and bridesmaids, bathing in all of the wedding prep glory. I remember the groom’s friend flirting a ton with my cousin (blonde hottie, in my opinion), while we stood around the church. And then the silly little eleven year old junior bridesmaid asked her cousin what size her bridesmaid dress was. Because that was such a fascinating, need to know conversation topic.
And that’s when I learned that you do not ask a woman her dress size. My cousin, red in the face, stammered that out in front of the flirting men (I may have asked her weight as well, I don’t remember). I will 100% grant that it was not the place to ask – it was not a private forum. Not my business, either, but I was 11. The look of horror, however, taught me right then and there that she was ashamed of her size. I would guess she was a current size 16 – maybe? And the way she responded revealed that it wasn’t the mere pragmatic oops that I had made to cause her wording – but that she was embarrassed by the amount of space she filled in. Never mind how beautiful she was in my eyes or those flirtatious groomsmen’s eyes.
I really do not know how this moment in time affected my view on being a big woman. But it must have carved some sort of home in my mind.
*nods thoughtful* Interesting.
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