Archive for August, 2007

I Love You, Amazon.com

I had an especially rough visit with my mother today. She was a good mom and she’s a great grandma but I still have issues with her/my childhood (heh, don’t we all?). And I don’t like how she deals with conflict or how she can “get” with conflict. It’s too much for me to delve in to right now but, anyway, mleh.

On a happy note, Amazon delivered the book I ordered today. I am off to read it while Z cooks up her wooden food and cleans her play kitchen.


Read Full Post »

A Fear of Hunger

I think I am frightened of being hungry. If I listened to my body, I have a feeling that I would eat mini meals throughout the day similar to this. I actually did that on Body for Life, my most successful stab at a diet. And BFL was a failure because I had to plan like crazy and was constantly thinking of my next meal. My mind knows that it would be different if I was being true to my own hunger and cravings. So what is making me fear this?

This is a hill to climb – because I really do want to “demand feed” and respect my hunger. I am not sure where to go from here. I’ll continue to surround myself with like-minded blogs, books, etc… in hopes some sort of transformation happens in my thinking.

One can hope, right?

Read Full Post »

I read through the first two months of postings on Good with Cheese and felt inspired. I got off my duff and did a pilates workout. Z and I then went to the park and had a great time.

Surrounding myself with healthy discussion of IE/body image, etc… is something I should try and do every day. It really made a difference today.

Read Full Post »

I’m at a loss right now. I am feeling pretty unmotivated. Z’s birthday was great and this past weekend was packed with activities/work. But both yesterday and today I have felt blah and uninspired. Enjoying my little Z but all the while being haunted with weight loss/diet/IE/etcetera thoughts.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I stumbled upon this blog today and have found the handful of posts I have read really inspiring. I am diving in to the archives and starting there. I also ordered myself When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies and am hoping that gives me a swift kick in the behind.

What’s bothering me the most is that I don’t know where these Feelings of Blah came from. Was it the weigh in? I felt fine about that on Friday so I don’t think so – although part of me still feels like I should avoid the scale. Was it the birthday sweet parade going down my throat? I do think I overindulged – both in an IE sense and a calorie one. Is it the heat? I have no desire to move my body right now, even in the confines of my air conditioned home.

All of the above probably means shit. I am betting that those excuses/reasons mean nothing, no matter what I come up with. I need to just motor through and not expect every day to hold motivation for me. It’s probably a Just Do It thing. You either do it or you don’t. Frack.

Read Full Post »

A Quick Post

Today is Z’s second birthday.  Happy birthday little Z!!

I lost a 1/2 pound this week (189 lbs).  If I was on a diet I would have been so bummed.  But since I’m doing my best to eat intuitively, I was quite pleased to see any sort of loss (and no gain).  So yippee skippee.  🙂

Read Full Post »

I got a “Normal” Eating blog post in my inbox today that provided some food for thought. What sacrifices am I willing to make here? The idea of sacrifice gives me a knot in my stomach and almost feels like a trigger word. How do I sacrifice and not let it trigger overeating?

I am too much of a future thinker – Big Picture and all. That Big Picture thinking gets me almost every time. It’s too all-consuming and overwhelming. That’s when thinking “One Day At A Time” really helps me plus giving away my anxieties to my HP (higher power). These are the remnants of OA that still work for me.  HOWEVER, I am pretty sucky at using these tools when I need them.  Especially the “giving away to my HP” part.  That simple meditation of giving away worry/anxiety/obsessive thoughts really works for me but I hardly think of doing it these days.  Definitely need to work on that.

Read Full Post »

Things are going well for my mini-goals so far. This morning I did Lotte Berk Hip Hugger Abs and also walked for 45 minutes. The park that I walk at has a large loop and a smaller one. Two large loops and one small loop equal a 5K. I have been doing one large and one small. My first goal is to add another small loop and then, finally, do the whole 5K. And my far off in the future goal is to start a running program like the Couch to 5K one. Maybe sometime after the holidays.

I have always dreamed about becoming a runner. I did a few weeks of the Couch to 5K program a few years ago. I don’t remember why I didn’t stick to it. I’d like to become one of those zen runners. Whenever I do try running, it’s not zen-like at all. The closest I ever enjoyed running was when I tried the above program – probably because I was taking it slow and not killing myself.

I have also been having fleeting thoughts about really concentrating on this eventual running goal and letting my food follow. Is it possible to teach this old dog new eating tricks via listening to her body based on fitness goals? That’s what I am hoping. I am also hoping that it’ll help me fall in to IE (intuitive eating) a bit easier, by making food decisions based on fitness goals that are important to me.

So, my next babystep fitness goal is to add that second small loop at the beginning of September.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »