This morning I shared a delicious meal with Z at our favorite local diner. I wish all my meals were as satisfying. And it was diner food so not the epitome of health but I still walked away feeling good in my body – not low and weak like I am finding myself post-meals so often these days.
I am still questioning why I am doing this to my body so frequently – I think Megan nailed a huge aspect of it for me in the comments of my last post. Figuring out what my body truly wants and getting it all made is a chore.
So how do I get beyond that? My life is not going to get less busy being a mother to a delightful, busy bodied two year old. Like most of us, life is just pretty damn full. I am doing better to include moving my body (pilates and yoga mostly) a few times a week. Now I need to figure out how to feed my body the food it crave. I really want to feel more alive after a meal.
I am still flirting with the idea of making a list of foods/meals that I enjoy eating and that do not leave me feeling lethargic in the end. It makes me a tad nervous that it will bring out the dieter in me and, eventually, the rebel (heh, that sounds much cooler than it actual feels at the time). Heck, I couldn’t even food journal for a full day ala Geneen Roth because it stirred up too many diet memories and emotions. But it would give me something concrete to focus on before making a food choice. Stopping myself and thinking about what my body wants isn’t happening – maybe making myself look at a list will allow myself the time to connect with my body before feeding it.
It’s a bit like a menu – and I usually make choices at restaurants that I truly want. I may over eat them (although much better at this) but if I eat to satisfaction I don’t feel like crap afterward. Like my diner meal with Z today.
Writing this blog post has convinced me to at least try making a list. Hopefully it will help and not backfire.
I think that sounds like a great idea – you know what is going to work for you, so take it slow and don’t do anymore than you can do for the moment. You’ll get there!
You know, if you think the list of foods will help, try it. And if it doesn’t work and you feel it’s moving you towards dieting behavior instead of intuitive eating, then you’ll recognize that and stop yourself, right?
I think if it’s a matter of evaluating post-meal what you ate and how it made you feel and keeping track of that, then it’s fairly harmless.
And one last thing: even the most normal, non-disordered, competent eater occasionally overeats or eats something that makes them feel kind of ick after the meal or eats something less-than-desirable because of time/money/energy constraints. Be sure to give yourself room for error; there’s no such thing as a perfect eater and as long as you’re trying to honor your appetite and eat to satisfaction and give your body the foods it seems to be asking for, then you’re really doing an awesome job.
You’re so right. It’s amazing – I usually see myself as a pretty laid back person but, when it comes food/eating, I so am not.
I do need that reminder that “normal” eaters don’t eat perfect (if there is such a thing). Ah, the process of being human.
I also find that sometimes you can go through phases. For example, a few weeks ago I was eating a lot of sugar at night for about a week or two, and I felt gross. Soon after the diet mentality kicked it with punishment for my “bad behaviour”–which lasted another week or two. Now I’m back to “normal”, for now at least.
It’s all a journey, and there are many obstacles along the way, you may even have to back-track now and again, but eventually we all get there. (Wherever “there” is).
[...] Nagging at me. Judging me. Being upset that my food choices weren’t always making my body feel good. Removing the morality from food is the first step I need to take and, by doing that, I think my [...]