Consume

I may be switching part time jobs (I am primarily a SAHM to Z and also work about 10 hours a week out of the home). I have been offered a part time gig at my old job but am waiting to hear about 2 crucial details before giving them my official yes.

It’s been over 24 hours since I was told “I will get right back to you about those 2 details” and it is driving me a bit nuts. I’m not quite sure why I am filled with such anxiety. Even if I don’t do this I will stay at my current place of employment where I am quite happy. I guess it is just the unknown. This new job will mean DH works from home one day a week (to be with Z) and we will need childcare for Z the other day (this is new for us – she’s only been with us, my parents, or a very close friend for childcare). We will have our weekends back (most of the hours I work are on Saturday) and I may take in a little bit more $ with this new job.

I just hate not knowing what the final verdict is going to be.

So here I am, consumed with anxiety over something I have no control over at the moment and something that may be life changing but not a life necessity. A rational mind would shrug it off and just ride the wave of wait. But not me.

Consumed with anxiety and also over consuming a bit with food. I have been doing OK, over all, during this but I definitely ate too much at dinner last night. I also bought a meal I have enjoyed over eating in the past – and did it knowing full well I would give myself a bit of a food coma with it. Nothing subconscious going on here. It was all in the front of my mind.

The one positive is that I told myself that this was all I had in me to care for myself at the moment and that I did not beat myself up for it (I’m not happy with myself but I am not berating myself, either). When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies helped me get in the right mindset to accept some of my self-medication with food and to not yell at myself over it.

I do look forward to the day when I can take care of myself in a healthier way. I know I do that now but I really want to be able to do that in times like this. AND to be able to handle these blips in life without becoming so anxious and consumed with the situation.