Ever since I wrote my November Goals post I have had many moments of over eating (and knowingly over eating, always aware of what I am doing). I have not touched any of the books I wanted to read and have not worked out.
Granted, I was sick all last week. My Internal Caretaker reminds me of this and that I was not in shape to do much of anything. But it doesn’t change the fact that I have knowingly eaten beyond my means several times as a way to somehow take care of myself. What I am taking care of, well, who the frack knows. But I am comforting myself with food for some reason.
I am thinking it is because I made that post. I told myself I would not be anal over it and give myself leeway - but that appears to be bullshit. And it really makes me angry.
Am I not allowed to have goals? Am I not supposed to have wants and desires regarding the things I do to get me out of this Crazy Ass State of Food Obsession that I live in? Should I just allow the pieces to fall where they may without any sort of internal guidance?
I just do not trust that.
And that’s probably the fuckin’ problem.
[...] make New Year’s resolutions? I’m tempted to make one. Yes, just one. Given that I am the rebellious sort and seem to run the other way as soon as I make a goal, I’m not sure if it is [...]