In my quest to shed the shoulds, I am also looking at my erratic relationship with exercise. My disordered eating and body image wonkiness (minus some typical teenage stuff) did not begin until I was 22, newly moved to LA, and just becoming interested in working out. I really got in to workout videos and created quite the collection for myself. My favorites were the older Firms, Tae Bo, and yoga. I am also a big fan of pilates and walks during cool weather (we have a great park walking distance from us).
I truly enjoyed these workouts but they were always used as and seen in a Lose Weight Light. I can’t ever say I have worked out just because I liked to. I was not an athletic child or teenager. Sure, I played in the dirt with the rest of them. I took gymnastics and some dance when I was young, but in a casual, fun way. But, other than that, I was a writer/actress/reader/homebody. I did not participate in sports, minus cheering on my boyfriend’s lacrosse team. I also became a smoker by age 16 (quit at 20), so you were more likely to find me smoking a Marlborough than moving my body in a way than created excessive sweat. I also remember hating to sweat because of physical movement (minus sex). Plus I was very thin and had a lot of attention from the boys. I am embarrassed to admit that completed me in many ways, in regards to my self-esteem and body image. But it is what it is.
Before I go off on a tangent about basing my self-worth on how sexual boys treated me and the things I let them say to me (i.e., “You’re body is perfect except your breasts are too small” - heh, he should see these mama’s milk girls now. Douchebag), let’s keep me on topic.
Which is, how do I restart my relationship with exercise? Since finally coming to terms that dieting is not going to bring me happiness and figuring out how to accept myself/eat “normally” will be the way to attain a bit of sanity, I have not worked out. At all. I am serious when I say those (above) workouts are enjoyable for me. That they make me feel good, especially when they are finished. I feel happily worked out, strong, and like I accomplished something. But when I think about working out all I hear in my head are The Shoulds. So I don’t work out because I feel like I am giving in to them, feeding them, supporting their existence.
How do I shake The Shoulds? I am doing OK dealing with them regarding my eating. Do I just work out because it is good for me (sounds like a Should, doesn’t it??) and hope that someday I will see it purely for the enjoyment factor and not for the possible body changing? Or do I work on my view of working out (and, if so, how? I see lots of resources on disordered eating but haven’t noticed similar ones for exercise. They must be out there.) and actually start working out once my view on exercise is healthier?
This is a lot to ponder. I am also going to search for some blogs, sites, what not that help in this area. Given that there are so many out there on disordered eating, fat and body acceptance, intuitive eating, etcetera then there must be something on how to love moving your body just to move it.
How about something like “Intuitive Exercising”? Maybe some questions like: Hmm, my body feels like moving right now, what kind of movements does it want? What area/parts does it want to stretch out or strengthen?
Recently I sat down to figure out what kinds of activities I want to be able to do when I’m 40, 50, 60, etc. And then checked to see which ones are feasible to work on now, considering the weather and my fitness level. (Most of them were more geared towards play than “working out”.)
But I kinda like the idea of Intuitive Exercising.
[...] October 3rd, 2007 — anndelise I was reading a blog ( http://zmama75.wordpress.com/2007/10/02/lets-discuss-exercise/ ) this morning that talked about her previous approach to exercising and her current concerns on [...]
I think that’s an awesome idea. I also need to break away from the idea that exercise needs to be done for a certain # of minutes to be worthwhile. If I feel like doing a set of push ups and that’s it then I will go with the flow.
Lots to think about.
I am struggling with the exact same thing. Yesterday I went for a walk because I really felt like it; I was gone for 42 minutes. Somehow though, I managed to feel a little angry with myself for it not having been 45, as if ZOMG those three minutes really mattered!
I guess the way we put our energy into yelling at ourselves about our eating and exercise habits in the past, we now have to put just as much energy into reminding ourselves to be kind.
This is my struggle too. My people were built for comfort, I’m not an outdoorsy kind a gal, and sweating is not pleasurable for me. I know that exercise would make me feel better, but how do you trick yourself into believing it will also be fun? When you figure it out, let me know!
Jae, that is me to a T.
Sassy, I will.
There must be something out there for our types to have a blast doing and that will also help keep our body fit. Hrm….
Do you like shaking your booty? If you do, the Yoga Booty Ballet cardio workouts are really fun. And they are only 20 to 30 minutes! There are yoga and ballet toning parts as well, but each different workout style is relatively short so there is lots of variety and less boredom.
Maybe you would like belly dance classes too.
Hey, wait a second here, did you say you lived in LA? That’s where the yoga booty ballet studio is! http://swervestudio.com/
Thanks for the rec, Bliss Chick. I think adding a few new workouts would help me.
Videos (or walks in the park) are more my speed with a 2 year old. That way I can fit it in when she naps (or she helps - she has her own mat for pilates!).
Sassy, I believe that the trick is not to trick yourself, but to actually find ANY kind of movement activities that you already enjoy. It might mean checking some activities out that you haven’t tried yet, though. For example if you like dancing, then dance. If slow walking/pacing helps clear your head/emotions, then slow walk/pace. Etc.
On a side note, though. I purchased a pedometer to help me get more active. I was spending all my days laying on the bed and being on the computer. I had to work at getting myself to sit in a chair more, to stand more, and slowly build up my movements which my pedometer kept track of for me. After a certain level of pedometer counts, I began desiring more movement related activities. And began rethinking about my old activity interests. (So I understand that getting started on moving in the first place could be an issue…but once you get started, and find activities you actually enjoy, then it’s fun.)
This one is tricky, we sometimes overlook how much our bodies are insulted and belittled often they are used as a shorthand for rank physical incompetence, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard that fat children have been sidelined from physical activity because they were told they were too big to participate and had to stand there watching the slim kids doing stuff. Then there is the fact that our bodies are constantly described as epitomising laziness, how much physical confidence is lost or prevented from being built up in the first place? If we are carrying this around in our heads, we will take it to any physical activity we try,I must admit I’m struggling a bit myself, although if I need to walk anywhere I usually don’t hesitate but I haven’t managed the regular exercise thing, similar to you, I get to a certain point, get stuck there then bored then cease!
The upshot is I suppose that we maybe should try to reprogramme our bodies to underline their competence and potential, override the negatives.